This table, and what it signifies to me! It’s not just a bench. This very spot was one of many life changing moments. For me, My Faith, My mental health. The time God speaks to me the most is when I’m deep in thought, prayer and listening to worship music while RUNNING! This table, and what it signifies to me! It’s not just a bench. This very spot was one of many life changing moments. For me, My Faith, My mental health. The time God speaks to me the most is when I’m deep in thought, prayer and listening to worship music while RUNNING!
After being in pajamas the last few days. Darrell took me to Ventura Boardwalk to run. He walked and I ran! I felt a strong pull to take the full loop as I’ve done on this same course at least a half dozen times before. During 5K’s and half marathons. So I always follow the direction I feel I’m being pulled. My gut instinct, if you will. Or those who believe!! You know what’s pulling and leading me... GOD!! I didn’t know why until I saw the table. I stopped in my tracks. I stood there for a minute reflecting on what had happened in this very spot 4 or 5 years ago. Running my very FIRST half marathon. I didn’t know I could do it or not. But I knew I had to try. This is one of the many greatest gifts from God.
I passed my family with all their signs. My eldest son was up in a tree with his sign or maybe it was Jennie! LOL I missed that sign. At this point as I was passing them I was in mile 10. My family handed me my inhaler and whatever else I had requested. I smiled but wanted to cry. My memory isn’t that great so maybe I did cry at that point. This means I had 3.1 more miles to go and it is a loop on the last 3 miles. After I passed my family I broke down and cried. I HURT and it didn’t go as planned exactly. I had approximately 1.60 miles to go when I came across this table. Several people were stretched out on the bench seats and a couple stretched out on top of the table. Not to mention the people sprawled out on the grass. I’m all about honesty so as ugly as the truth is I’m telling because I am happy with how far I’ve come since that day. So I’m crying and ready to throw in the towel. Those people were doing nothing wrong. But I looked at them and didn’t like them at that very moment. Because that’s exactly what I wanted to do!!
You have to see the funny side to that! I paid to do it! They paid to camp and relax at a beautiful park on Ventura Beach so whatever frustration I had, needed to be directed at myself. I almost quit to lay down right there under that tree! I was crying, in pain, and thought I’d made a huge mistake because this may be something I CANNOT DO! In fact it was in that moment I realized I wouldn’t let myself quit! Not only the race but my life! I won’t give up. I will continue to fight chronic pain, chronic illness, depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation and PTSD. So I cried most of the way.
The day I crossed that finish line is one of my biggest victories! I didn’t let fear stop me. I didn’t let doubt stop me. Didn’t stop me and NEVER WILL! Nothing can stop me from living my best life despite the pain. When you have Christ in your heart anything is possible. Anything is possible especially with faith and a purpose.